I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
