Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
