How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
