According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
