Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
