pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I died a long time ago.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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