as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
