so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
