I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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