i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
