so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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