I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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