Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
