Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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