i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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