no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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