Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
