Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
