Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
