watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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