well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
