he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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