I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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