I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize