i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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