there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's official drugs can't kill me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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