Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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