I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
