I met the friendliest cop last night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
