New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
