my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
