Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
