dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize