Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I puked a lego.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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