I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
