dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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