If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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