The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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