Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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