I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize