Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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