Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What a fucking waste of an outfit
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
