I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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