You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
