Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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