I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
