Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
