I wish my penis had an off switch
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Operation Purity has been aborted
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize