Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize