Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
