you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
