margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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