when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
