Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
sarcasm needs its own font
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
