By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
