I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
