there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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