my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
