I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
