is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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