I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
