You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
