They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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