dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
