she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
