I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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