I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
