I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They took my balls.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
