It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
