Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
