Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
