she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
