No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
