I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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