i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
