i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
