just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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