"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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