I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I need moral support for this bender
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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