Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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