i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
