Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
