I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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