A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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