Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
