If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
