I got chris browned last night
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
