My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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