It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
