porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
