shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My first STD was from a foam party
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I stole a fireplace last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
