Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
