I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
