I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
